Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Dear esteemed reader, Good morning. Another gist has dropped, and I am excited and embarrassed to share it with you.
Last week, after working my ass off for a client to get a guest on his show, he cancelled at the last minute. I was livid. I wanted the ground to burn. I was so angry that I ignored my business partner’s attempt to calm me down; everywhere was red.
But to what end? After the anger, what next? The client cancelled due to no fault of his, but that doesn’t invalidate my anger. Because I expected him to have a contingency plan. Well, he didn’t.
Then David spoke to me (yes, David again). Before I go into what he said, I have a confession. I feel like working with David has shed more light on parts of my life I didn’t know existed. My imperfections as a human being, writer and business partner. Believe it or not, I lived with this mindset that I was perfect and every other person was flawed. Fortunately, I am not, and every day, I am confronted with a part of me that I need to work on. It is scary but exciting, I don’t know how to explain the feeling. What gives me confidence is our mantra at Nkem; we gather dey, nobody is going anywhere.
About what he said;
Chi Chi, the most powerful person in the room is the person who chooses to be kind. Not that he/she can’t be unkind, they can. But they choose to be kind.
In my defence, I blurted out, “I want them to know and feel how they made me feel. I want them to see how angry their actions have made me”. Then he said… TBH, I can’t remember what he said, but I can remember how what he said made me feel.
I felt like I had to start working on myself. Anger is a flaw in me that you won’t notice at first. Some days, I have control; some days, everyone could go to hell, and I would care less. But to what end?
Can my anger lead Nigeria to a prosperous regime? NO. Can I control it? Yes.
David was kind enough to help me with a question to ask myself whenever I get angry, and it is: IS THIS ANGER NECESSARY? IS IT NECESSARY FOR ME TO REACT?
Often, it isn’t necessary. Although I want whoever makes me angry to feel the fire, it is bad for me in the long term. I will end up looking like a mad woman. That madness needs to be channelled into something good: my work, my job, my career, my business, etc. Redirection of energy is what we are on now.
So, if you are like me, have a deep reflection. Anger outbursts won’t do you any good. Look out for ways to deal with that flaw. Keep it under lock and key. Learn to control it.
Side advise that no one asked: Sometimes, show people that two can play the game. I am a firm believer that if you show people that you can’t be toyed with, they will let you be. So do with this advice what you wish.
Bye for now🎉☺️