Death: Numbed by Exposure
When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Nature they say hates a vacuum and tends to fill it the best way it knows how but what about those who lost a loved one? How can they fill such a vacuum?
It was a good day at work, every day is a good day but this day was particularly special. Why? Because I was sleep-deprived, hungry, and irritable. So it was easy to get pissed at the patient's relatives who do not want to be involved in the care of their sick relatives. I never get angry at my patients, they are in enough pain already.
The patient convulsed, and I gave an anti-convulsant, a few minutes later, the patient died. The patient had tetanus, the severe kind. Tetanus is one of the most common killer diseases in pediatrics.
What is Tetanus?
Tetanus, also known as lockjaw, is a serious disease caused by the bacteria Clostridium tetani, which is found in soil, dust, saliva, and manure. The bacteria can enter the body through deep cuts, wounds, or burns that affect the nervous system. When the bacteria enter the body, they produce a toxin that causes painful muscle contractions, especially in the jaw and neck muscles. This can make it hard to open the mouth or swallow.
When you have a wound contaminated with dirt, feces (poop), or saliva (spit). Puncture wounds (wounds caused by an object, like a nail or needle, breaking the skin) Burns. Crush injuries (injury to a body part due to pressure from another object or being squeezed between two heavy objects). Go and get a tetanus shot. It costs between 300 to 500 naira. The consequence of not getting a shot is drastic, you’d be shocked.
I looked for tears but they were nowhere to be found. I could hear his mother and sister wailing from a distance. How did I get here I asked myself. How did I get to a point where I feel nothing when a patient dies? Where is my soft side, you know the side that is quick to cry when hurt because she wears her heart up her sleeves?
Slowly, my humanity was being chipped away. I was on my way to being the very persona of nurse I loathed.
But there was no time to think, I still had six other patients who needed me urgently. Act now, think later, else there will be another body leaving the ward and they won’t be walking with their legs.
When a patient dies, their hands and feet are tied, their orifices plugged with cotton wool, and a big name tag is placed on their forehead for easy identification. This is done as quickly as possible so the muscles don’t get stiff making it hard to strengthen them.
The last office is the procedure of caring for a patient for the last time after death before they are sent to the morgue.
After I was done with the last office, the most heart-wrenching thought crossed my mind. Did I kill my patient? What could I have done differently that would have shifted the hugs of death?
As I searched for answers, it was confirmed that the patient died due to constriction of the airways. Still, there was no sigh of relief. Relief ke? When I can still hear the sister wailing, I think not.
But what is death? An end to pain? a beginning of a new phase? Or simply death. It can be all three right?
I go on social media and while some are lamenting and pondering over how fickle life is after losing a loved one, others are celebrating a new job, a relationship upgrade, a new house, etc.
Isn’t it weird that time doesn’t stop when someone dies? Even the one-minute silence we observe to pay homage to the dead, it always feels like time is laughing at us. Time is always on the go.
When this patient died and I was performing the last office, time did not even stop to console the parents. No, it didn’t. Time get liver sha. We always have to bend to its rules.
My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one, I don’t even know what to say. Where will I start and where will I end?
