Love Withdrawal Symptoms

Chimnwendum
4 min readNov 5, 2023
Ihunanya

You know that thing men do where they ask a fat lady out and start hounding her to be slim? Yeah, I recently found out I was guilty of it. It came as a revelation.

So, I like this guy, and he isn’t what I need in life. For every critical box to tick on my list, he makes up for his cute face and heartbeat-stopping laughter.

Even when I am reminded that this man is not for me given his ‘circumstances’, I unconsciously reply with, ‘but he is fine’. So yesterday, I was listening to Pastor Kingsley and Mildred Okonkwo answer burning questions by singles, and one question led to the answer I never knew I needed.

I can’t remember precisely what the question was about, but the answer was along the lines of ‘You know this guy is not what you want. If you have decided to be with him, don’t complain about the things he is doing you don’t like and don’t stress people either. YOU wholeheartedly agreed to ‘manage’ his character when you decided to be with him.’

Then it hit me, I had non-verbally but conscientiously agreed to be with this man the moment I started entertaining him even when he made known his thought process to me (a subject matter I absolutely hate and run away from men who think like that) however, ‘he is cute’ won’t let me think properly.

So I said to myself, what do I do? Do I have a conversation with him and tell him of my expectations because he has been vocal about his from day one, but somehow, because I did not want to mess things up, I kept quiet (big mistake)?

OR

Do I ghost him? I have been ghosted before, so I wouldn’t want that to happen to anyone. But again, am I speaking to him because it will change anything, or am I exposing myself to his heart-stopping laughter and cuteness?

These are the issues.

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you choose the wrong life partner, you will die before your time.

A cute face and laughter don’t keep a marriage. Dating a man and hounding him to change or praying to God for him to change is a waste of time. Why? Because there are men out there who have what you are looking for. Maybe not everything on your long list but the core things. And don’t let the devil deceive you with the ‘a bird at hand is worth more than a thousand in the bush’ so you will settle. That’s a huge lie.

I mean, if you can settle for someone who lacks the core values you need, surely you can put up with someone who has all the core values you need and some of the less important things (his height, age, body mass, etc)

I do like tall men though😌

If you decide to leave him, watch out for withdrawal symptoms. There are days you will feel like you made the wrong decision. There are days you would want to hear from him so bad. There are days you would want to reach out to him to know ‘How he is doing?’. Nne, don’t deceive yourself. On days like that, remind yourself why you left in the first place.

He may be a good guy but he doesn’t align with your purpose. If you are in a relationship to marry, remember you are not just marrying a husband, you are choosing the father of your kids, the leader of your home, etc. Imagine him in all of these positions, do you think he will do well? Be honest with yourself because the worst kind of lie is the one we say to ourselves.

Look out for the withdrawal symptoms because they will come. But just because your body craves sugar, casual sex, weed, and cocaine does not mean you should indulge in it. If you are that mindful about your body, apply the same principle to your heart.

The heart wants what the heart wants but sometimes the heart is stupid, that’s why our bodies come with a complementary brain.

This is really a letter to myself, and I hope someone got value from it.

You have been called. You are a sign and a wonder. Who you decide to do life with is as essential as what you do with your life because they may mar or make you.

Look at Queen Esther in the bible; imagine she married a wicked man, and there will be no Israelites as we know it. Look at Ruth; imagine she didn’t marry Boaz; our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ would probably still be in his groins.

Put feelings aside, will this man frustrate or encourage your God’s given purpose?

Here is a quote that doesn’t support what I am saying but I love it:

Unless it is mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it’s a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn’t be one of them.

Okay, bye.

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Chimnwendum

Sharing lessons from stuff adulthood throws at me.