On being a spec
One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others.
I think there are two categories of beauty in this world:
1. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder kind of beauty
2. All who saw her glorified the Lord kind of beauty
I am number 2. Which are you?
I have seen women in category two end up in continuous cycles of dysfunctional relationships, and I can’t help but wonder why.
Why would this woman, this gorgeous, breathtaking work of art, want to stay in an abusive relationship where she is continuously ignored, gaslighted, and insulted?
The first question that comes to mind is, aren’t you loved at home?
I used to call women like this stupid until I caught myself in that same cycle. I have never been abused, and I dare say if any man tries that, he will have his fingers fed to him.
However, I have stayed in situationships because I thought I could love someone into loving me. We talked about that gist here.
But to see some women who are epitomes of God’s creative capabilities take it a step further and continue to be in negative relationships baffles me.
Why can’t you leave? Do you realize there are men for whom YOU are God’s answer to their prayers? Do you understand how much of an asset you are? Do you even believe you are deserving of love and respect?
When I hear stories like this, I want to swoop in and carry women like this to God. Because only he can fill that vacuum. Only him. But I obviously can’t. I can only say a prayer for them.
During my time of endless wandering, one day, I sat down and meditated on the ‘Your body is the temple of God, and the Holy Spirit dwells in it’ verse (1 Corinthians 6:19–2), I realized how priceless I am. Questions like:
Why would I treat my body anyhow (physical grooming) when God dwells in it? If I were a church, would I walk into me?
Why would I let self-sabotaging thoughts or imaginations in my mind when the Holy Spirit can literally see them as they play out?
Why would I allow myself to be in situationships and receive half-baked love when I am a living, breathing house of God? Who does that?!
… started making sense to me.
The math wasn’t mathing, and that was when the change began. I went from ‘I have so much love to give to anyone who smiles at me, and I like him’ to ‘Will this man treat me the way God’s temple should be treated?’ (this is a two-way street; don’t go about being selfish out there).
If the answer is No, I don’t care if you are as hot as Idris Elba or Vusi T. Love is an open door, and I will walk right out of the disrespect. And you know what? Men who will love you like Christ loves the church exist. They do!
You are fighting hard to find a life partner when you can let your creator do the work. See, if you walk with God, you will know a back-to-sender from a mile away. Your heightened spiritual senses will sniff them out, and you will gracefully reroute them to where they are coming from.
But first, you need to know God because it is in knowing him that you will find yourself.
This blog post is a wake-up call to start caring for that Temple God gave you. You have abused it for so long. Take responsibility. Take charge.
There were days when it felt like I could not live without them. I returned to my Shepherd, the one in whom I was formed, and laid it all to him. He comforted me, and he will comfort you.
See, a personal relationship with God pays dividends daily. Go back to God, child.
I have compiled a playlist of God-centered preaching to help you heal. Click here.
I look forward to seeing you on the other side.
Question: What red flags made you go, ‘I can’t end up with someone like this?’ Let me know in the comments.
P.S.: Men, you are not left out in this conversation. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, too. While I write from the POV of a woman, I know men are not alien to abusive relationships. That means the principle stated here will also work for you.
