Warning: Narcissist ahead 🚧

“Relationships with narcissists are held in place by the hope of a ‘someday better,’ with little evidence to support it will ever arrive.” — Dr. Ramani Durvasula.

When I met Joe 5 years ago it never occurred to me that one day I’d fall in love with him. At some point, I challenged myself to make him fall in love with me by always being available when he needs me, being his confidante, and rubbing his ego whenever he is feeling down. Until it dawned on me that I was the one falling, and hopelessly fast.

Nigerian proverb: Before you fall, clear ground first.

One day, I summoned the courage and told Joe I was in love with him and he replied with an emoji. WTH👀, emoji?! Before this completely stupid action of mine, he said he prefers a woman telling him she loves him before he goes in for the kill. That motivated me to make my feelings known to him. I waited for him to “go in for the kill” as he rightly put it, what did I get?

Joe would chat me up with “my baby girl” and proceed to make his requests known, maybe he needed a certain amount of money or needed one of my contacts to help him seal a deal. The “baby girl” alone made me smile foolishly, indeed he had my mumu button. The fact that he personalized “baby girl ” made me think he was about to ask me out every single time, until my dumbass knew that was his gateway to getting whatever he wanted from me.

Joe knew I was hopelessly in love with him and would normally play the candy man-child game with me.
What’s the candy man-child game? It’s when someone offers you a little amount of love and when you are about to get comfortable they quickly withdraw it.

Joe only needed me because he knew I was an asset. It was a case of “I don’t love this woman, but she is a good person, and I want all that goodness for myself.”
He would go full jealous boyfriend mode whenever I posted a male business partner on any of my social media platforms. Even if the post was formal.

Whenever he moved crazy and I tried to communicate my displeasure to him, his egoistic self would accuse me of being rude and my refusal to empathize with him.

We could go weeks without talking because he only calls me whenever he needed me. I felt cheap and needy for always initiating our conversations and did not realize my undisputed availability screamed cheap. All he had to do was ring the bell and this pussy came answering.

On a beautiful Friday morning, I woke exhausted. I could not explain it but my heart and brain had had enough and they desperately needed a breath of fresh air.

So here comes Joe with “my baby girl” WhatsApp text after two weeks of no communication, I surprisingly ignored him.
He was livid. His self-absorbed nature couldn’t take it and he went into victim mode, saying stuff like
“ it was a mistake”
“ can’t I make a mistake”
“ Why do you always act funny when we don’t speak for 2 weeks”
“ stay away from me”
“ This is the last time you will hear from me”
After 5 minutes,
“Okay, bye. I hope you are happy now”

As my phone chimed with notifications coming from Joe, all I did was laugh nefariously. For the first time, Joe has been subjected to his own treatment and I was at peace.

Have you ever been in my shoes?