WHY NICE GIRLS FINISH LAST.
Key word here is RESPECT but Chimnwendum that's not in the title, I know darling just walk with me through this.
The number one love language for a man is RESPECT and on face value we(females) see it as being overly agreeable to whatever they say, being at their beck and call, being the nice girl etc. Men are wired to provide and protect, it's in their DNA to chase in other words they are hunters so what do you think happens when you pay their bills all the time, write their CVs for them, hunt down a job for them, give them good sex whenever they ask for it??? You disrespect them, yes I know sounds counterintuitive but it is what it is.
A man gains his self worth from exercising his masculinity and by that I mean providing, protecting and being the head of the home and when they feel they are not measuring up to that standard, whenever they are unable to provide for their family or protect them or exercise their authority (in a socially acceptable and respectful manner) they feel useless, resentment starts to build up which leads to frustration and anger especially when their woman assumes the role of providing.
Now this is not the case for every man as you and I are well aware of their fact that there are lazy men out there who would prefer sitting at home and reading newspapers to going out there and providing for their families (this is not about them and will never be about them)
I am talking about MEN, the providers and protectors of their families in every sense of the word, now I am an Igbo woman and I have observed first hand how Igbo men (like I said there is always the black ship) either become cranky or avoid minimal contact with family members when they are broke or unable to provide for their families at the moment.
Being the nice girl makes you think that if I can be able to provide and do everything for this man maybe, just maybe he will love me and in worst cases marry me (the writer chuckles) this is in no way to judge you but the truth has to be said, HE WON'T and even if he does best believe the 30+ years spent with him will be miserable except being miserable is your normal.
Stop providing for men, it's not your job to do so and they are not wired to sit and idle away their time,at the end of the day you end up frustrated because your needs are not being met, yes he might be good at bedmathics but what happens to other aspects of your life financially, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, does he satisfy you the way you mule yourself to satisfy him?
Is this something you will be able to deal with for God knows how long?
Let's be honest with ourselves sis, you like making money(that's if you do) but you damn well know that a gift from a man you like or being spoilt and pampered by a provider man hits home, there is this spot in our brain and heart that makes it more enjoyable than when we splurge money on ourselves...
Therefore, I admonish you to stop being a nice girl or Ms goody two shoes,it doesn't pay! Often than not the need to be a “Nice girl" stems from a place of not valuing yourself, desperation to get married/be in a relationship or validation from the opposite sex and I get it but men take their cues on how to treat women by how women treat themselves, you can't treat yourself like trash and expect a man to treat you otherwise.
Thinking that a man will value you based on how nice or fair or easy you are to him is myopic instead it increases the number of stupidity you have to deal with on a daily. You don't get an extra x number of reproductive years for putting up with BS and being a “nice girl" so stop wasting your time because you won't get it back.
He that has ear let him hear in our case it is SHE.