With Age Comes Wisdom
I love coming of age stories that have struggle. — Aaron Paul
The age of Methuselah has nothing to do with the wisdom of Solomon. I agree but there are things that you will continue to do until you come of ‘age’.
For me, it was loving men who would avoid the word ‘love’ like the plague and would continue to say ‘I like you, I really really like you’. Yeah, there is a word for that, it is called ‘love’ and then we would have this endless cycle of me chasing them and they keep running.
Whenever I stop to catch my breath, they fear I have lost interest so they start chasing me back. The excitement from them chasing me would give me all the glucose I need to 2x my speed and start chasing them again. Then they would 5x their speed and run faster than the Flash.
It has been a vicious cycle and recently this cycle came to an end. Feel free to call it the end of an era.
Who would have thought? I prayed, fasted, and cried to be in this same mental space but nothing happened. Maybe something was happening and I didn’t notice until recently.
I have always wondered why despite all the self-talk and love I gave myself I never left. Recently, without any fuss, I stood up, dusted my shoes, and catwalked out of the room.
I am both impressed and shocked at my impetus. But, why did I have to wait this long? I guess coming of ‘age’ is a thing.
I think the catalyst for this coming of ‘age’ was the discussion I had with my boss. I asked him what he would advise someone my age to invest in and he said “Invest in yourself”.
Normally, this would be followed by “ make sure you read books” and other conventional advice out there. But he said something different. He told me to invest in myself.
To imagine where I want to be and believe that I am worthy of being there. To not be scared to walk into spaces because they look ‘expensive’ or ‘higher than my class’. He said, it starts from the mind.
Things like having ‘special clothes’ and only feeling special when you wear them is a mindset that I needed to discard. I quickly remembered a beautiful sneaker I bought that I had been saving for a ‘special day’. I made a mental note to wear it.
He highlighted people eating rice only Sundays or holidays because these days are ‘special’. My life is special so every day is special. Why starve yourself of the good feeling you experience when you wear those clothes or eat that food because it is not a ‘special day’?
It was profound. I had no words because that was the epiphany I needed. Like Archimedes, it felt like an Eureka moment for me.
Weirdly, I asked myself how I wanted to be loved and if it was possible to be loved that way. The answer was a resounding YES. This led me to the coming of ‘age’ question; “Chinwendu, is this how you want to be loved?” the answer was NO. So I left.
I left. I finally did it. Without rationalization or anxiety. I left.
It was and still is the greatest feeling. To set yourself free. To not stand in your way to greatness. I apologize to my past self for waiting this long.
I believe that some decisions need you to come of age to make them. Coming of ‘age’ does not necessarily mean getting older. For me, it means new experiences, new people, new schools of thought, etc.
What was your coming-of-age moment that still brings a smile to your face every time you remember it?
I look forward to hearing from you in the comments. Have a blessed week!
